Out of the gate, I’d like to say this post will likely be one of my more controversial, but I also think it will be a great way for us to get to know each other. You may ask yourself how this topic has anything to do with health & well being, empowerment or executive coaching, but as you read, it should become apparent. I know my perspectives won’t land with everyone and that’s ok with me! Who was it that said if everyone likes you it’s a sign you are doing something wrong? Regardless, I tend to agree… so while I sincerely hope that what I share here resonates with you, I also understand it may not. If that’s the case for you, feel free to simply stop reading this post.
Now that we have that out of the way, let’s tackle the issue of gender stereotypes and frankly, the BS that tends to accompany them! First, let’s start with this idea that men are the only sex who actually enjoy it, and who may be tempted outside of whatever relationship they may be in if/when said relationship fails to fulfill them on any level. I am speaking to both men and women here, but for very different reasons. I think it’s important for men to understand that the false sense of security that society has fed them around infidelity is a crock of shit. You guys are not the only ones who deal with temptation. Knowing and accepting this may help you to avoid those relationship pitfalls that could possibly lead or push your woman toward another man before he appears in her life at “just the right time” to steal her away from you, whether it be for a night or forever. Bottom line – both people in a relationship carry the burden of keeping it mutually satisfying and worth each other’s time and effort. Until we realize that the differences between men and women (while absolutely necessary and perfect in the way that they attract us toward each other), pale in comparison to our similarities, we will never be able to truly support and bring out the best in each other. We are all human FIRST and who we are in our romantic relationships is who we will be in every other area of our life, so it’s the best place to start being real and to practice standing in our power. Technically it is our own internal relationship that is at the root of everything, but our intimate relationships tend to give us the clearest representation of what is actually going on inside.
If you haven’t already, it would help you to admit that you have the same urges and needs as men. If you find yourself in a relationship where those needs are not being met, please understand that your silence is deleterious. Downplaying our sexual side and/or keeping it to ourselves is something that has been engrained in most of us since before we recognized we even had one. Understanding that this pressure is nothing more than a control tactic used by our parents, religion and society at large, can serve to liberate us in ways we may not even comprehend and in areas of our lives that have nothing to do with sex. Mohadesa Najumi said it best, ”the woman who does not require validation from anyone is the most feared individual on the planet.” It’s important to fully embrace and own every part of yourself, including your sexuality. Burying or denying any part of who you are, gives whatever it is, more power to sabotage you than it would otherwise have.
For those of you who may be misconstruing my words as advocating promiscuity, please understand I am actually doing the exact opposite. It takes a strong sense of confidence to be sexually selective. Once you are standing in your power in this aspect of your life it will make it much easier to carry that same sense of invincibility into other areas. Your goal is to openly own and acknowledge everything about who you are. This seemingly simple step will liberate and empower you in ways you can’t even imagine.
My advice? Start with you! Nurture yourself the way we tend to take care of everyone else in our life, first. Then, once you have your own course mapped out, others will recognize you for who you are and naturally be drawn toward you. Your proverbial “village” will appear! At the same time, suitable partners will find you irresistible because they will subconsciously recognize that you are both headed in the same direction, but would never try to push you off of your own course or ask you to abandon your own “boat” to join them on theirs. Any course changes from that point on can be decided together and neither one of you will be obligated to remain tied to the other should you decide you don’t want to go where the other is headed. This may not sound very romantic, but in the end I have seen more relationships die a slow death because one or both members silently gave up control of their own navigation to maintain peace.
I will suggest that you do exactly the same thing I just suggested to the women, but with one caveat…BE THE MAN!!! Once you find the woman who is your legitimate equal and is happy and willing to join you on your journey, NEVER forget that she wants and needs you to be just a little bit stronger than she is. This is true in every aspect of your lives together. I don’t care if your gal is the most powerful woman on the planet! Trust me when I tell you she needs to know she can rely on and trust in you, no matter her own capabilities. Straight talk here…push her against the damn wall every once in a while for a kiss and don’t ever let her arrive at the conclusion that she has to save you in any way. This may sound completely counter intuitive, especially after I just finished telling all of the women to stand in their own power, but I can tell you I have NEVER met a woman, regardless of her position or background, who would disagree with these words. In fact, if you ever come across one, please take heed because she is either lying to you, or to herself and neither scenario bodes well for a lasting relationship. Go ahead, ask your female friends if they agree…
Now, for those of you who are off-put by the fact that I have assigned genders to this discussion, I will say this. After extensive research on this subject I am convinced that regardless of sexual orientation, in order for two people to have a strong thriving relationship, it must have balance between the yin (feminine) and yang (masculine) energies. So, listen to me when I say, I don’t care what physiology you were born with, the yin member of the pairing will naturally want to be cherished and protected and the yang member will want to do just that for the other. If both of you are open to this and agree and acknowledge which of you is more comfortable with each role, you will enjoy smoother sailing than otherwise. If this concept rattles or intrigues you, I would highly recommend that you do your own search on the subject of gender balance; yin/yang energy in relationships. There have been countless books published over the last century. One of the newer authors on the subject, David Deida, has written several books on this very topic if you are interested.
Bottom line: We are all like sailboats on the ocean; Able bodied and capable of steering our own course. It’s imperative that we accept the care and navigation of this vessel as our burden alone. If we focus on this responsibility first, the rest will fall into place effortlessly because we will attract that which will match, empower and join us on our journey..
Your power comes from accepting and owning who you are authentically! The world needs all of us to be honest about this. Simply stated…“No one else can be you…you have to do it!”
Until next time…